Sour Greetings

Hey, I know you! You're the person who's been standing in the greeting card aisle for the past twenty minutes, filing through what seems like an endless parade of sappy sentimentality. You pick up a graduation card. "The best things in life are ahead of you," it says. "Ha," you laugh to yourself, "who would believe that garbage?" And you'd be right - it IS garbage! A big, fat pile of stinking trash. Sour Greetings is here to help! We know what you're looking for. You want a card that doesn't beat around the bush. "The best things in life are ahead of you?" Let's try, "You're completely useless and probably going to fail." If that doesn't say Happy Graduation, I don't know what does. Celebrating an important birthday? "Here's to another year of love and laughter" just isn't going to cut it. Lucky for you, our team of crack writers are prepared with gems like, "Here's to another year of love and laughter. I'd skip the cake, though. You could stand to lose a few pounds." Now we're cooking with gas! Just... Not a cake. We weren't kidding about that weight problem your friend has. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the cards! We know your friends will. Unless they're humorless morons, in which case they probably deserve to hear the terrible things our cards say.