Matzevah Sympathy Card

Comforting someone who has lost a family member or friend is not easy; and I am no better at it than anyone else. What do you say? I offer this card, as inadequate as it may be, which portrays the Jewish custom of placing stones on tombstones in remembrance. "Matzevah" is the Hebrew word for monument. It is traditional for Jews to place small stones on a headstone using the left hand. This shows that someone visited the grave, and is a way of participating in the mitzvah of burial. Leaving flowers is not a traditional Jewish practice. Another reason for leaving stones is to tend the grave. In Biblical times, gravestones were not used; graves were marked with mounds of stones, so by placing (or replacing) them, one perpetuated the existence of the site. The stones also suggest the continuing presence of love and memory which are as strong and enduring as a rock. One name for G-d is "The Rock of Israel." So the rock is a reminder of the presence of the Rock, Whose love truly is stronger than death. It may be that the custom originated with writing notes to the deceased and pushing them into crevices in the headstone just as notes are pushed into the Western Wall, or Kotel, in Jerusalem. When no crevice could be found, the note was weighted down with a stone. In time, the paper disintegrated or blew away leaving only the stone. Thus, some began to think that the leaving of a stone was the custom... and so it became the custom.