Cowboyanapolis 500 Space Race Wooden Ticket Skateboard
To get off this rock have your ticket ready? Ladies and gentlemins...FIRE 'EM UP! The annual running of the SPACE RACE of the Moon Men and Women with the BIG FEET has arrived again and will be blasting off from the Junkyard this week-end. It's Moon Shot Time again! The Space Cowboyanapolis 500, once known as the race of the Richy Rockets, has been wrestled away from the million-billion-trillion-bZillionaires and completely taken over and redone and redone right. Privateers from every strata of the economic spectrum will be competing against each other as well as against the Octillion Aires for the coveted Jug. Since the discovery of the potential of the Jeenerk Reactor, the latest iteration of the GNU/Q/LER Par9 Family of Stella power plants produced by Flying Objects Research And Development of Cydonia Mensae, Mars, the ability to field a competitive Race Ship or eight Race Ships, for that matter, has been opened up to practically everyone. So many have shown up in the last decade, in fact, that QualiFlying Week is now QualiFlying Month and the race venue has had to be moved three times already to accommodate all of the Race Stars and their Race Ships, Officials, Venders, and last but first, the Race Going Public. Starting way back in the day in Bear, Delaware and all the way up until the reconstitution, the race then move to nearby Montauk, New York. When that proved to be a BONEHEAD MOVE by everyone concerned the race then travelled west to Chicago, Illinois where... well we won't talk about that now will we? No, I think not. Anyway, that brings us to The Junk Yard! It's perfect! A Texas size Racing venue for a Texas size Race, and the people of Bigfoot couldn't be nicer. Everybody who has ever attended a Space Cowboyanapolis 500 Race in its new digs comes away raving about how this is THE best location that they've ever had for the Race. They've had to print T-shirts that read: "What were you thinkin' anyway, waitin' so long to get a move on to Big Foot?” The women are especially in love with Bigfoot "on account that a WOMAN WON the very first Space Cowboyanapolis 500 ever run out of Bigfoot, Texas" and she was the very first woman to take the chequered flag in the history of the race. This year seventy-five women have qualiflyed to compete for the cup, or I should say the Golden Milk Jug as it is called, probably because that is what it is, a gold plated milk jug with all the names and faces of all the winners from years past engraved upon it. There are still many gZooglinares who qualifly and race but not nearly as many win as before the time when the big make-over came. Since the very beginning of the Cowboyanapolis, written in the Official Race Rules it has stated that if you could qualifly then you could race, no ifs, ands or buts. So one day along comes this meese-grunkey who pulls the business end off of a vehicle that has just been turned in for salvage, he "machines" up and "glues" on some "dynamics" he's had in the back of his head for like forever and when he's done he fires the puppy up and, well, it was a secret for about one second what his little Junk Yard Special could do. Everybody in the northern hemisphere and many in the southern hemisphere saw and/or heard him launch that day. He flew till he had had his fill for one day and a half and then he landed his baby, not back at his place but in Bear, Delaware. He had no money whatsoever but he filled out their nineteen hundred and forty-seven umpteen forms and he then qualiflyed and for the pole position no less. When Race Day came he led the entire 500 circum-polar figure eight sort-of shaped laps 'round the Earth and the Moon easily taking the chequered flag in record Space-Time. The heat shields were still glowing blue-white when everyone began pouring over what it was that made his Race Ship perform as she could. The "dynamics" were really quite something to behold indeed and improvements upon them have given rise to thousands more "dynamics", but it was the melding of those "dynamics" with the lowly Jeenerk Reactor he had yanked from the Junker that is what turned a lemon into a diamond. The Race was ON! Junk yards were picked clean of every grocery getter, golf cart, secretaries special, sedan, coupe, commuter, econo-box and emergency-spare vehicle as well as any sheet metal that just so happened to be lying around. The number of Driver and Vehicle Registrations for the Cowboyanapolis 500 quintupled overnight and the number of Race Ships firing a Jeenerk Reaction went from one single vehicle to over 98% of all vehicles. Of the four hundred and twenty-eight Specials which have qualiflyed for this years race only twenty-one are powered by a Stellavator other than a Jeenerk and only one is powered by a propulsion system which was not produced by Flying Objects Research And Development. Only Race Officials have been allowed anywhere near that one particular Race Ship. The secrecy surrounding the craft and the persistent rumour that the craft is being sponsored by some kind of Weather Balloon Mogul has a lot of the more seasoned drivers and sponsors raising red flags. The answer to any question about it is always the same. It is described as a revolutionary design, it is experimental, and it qualiflyed. It is beyond beyond top secret and any questions beyond that, forget about it, don’t ask. The driver qualflyed for one of the top forty positions so there is something to be said for that. With that it is hard to argue. The Race Festivities actually begin the evening before the Official Festivities are scheduled to begin. There is dining and dancing all 'round the town and around the many, many pit towns which spring up from the surrounding areas in the weeks leading up to the race. On Race Day the Fans are as awake as they can be after all of the Unofficialness that went on long into the night the night before. The STARTING CANNON is lit at 8:08:08AM as is the tradition for the race. If you were not fully awake before the candle was lit then the loud report from the first one-third to one-half of the CANNON FIRING Shirley will most certainly awaken you. If not, do not worry your silly little head because you will not hear the final one-half to two-thirds of the CANNON FIRING, or even yourself thinking for that matter, for a week and a half, oh, and grab hold of your stomach and your hat. There is really no word or words that have ever been offered up that do justice to describing the sight and the SOUND of the start of the race. The closest that anyone has ever come, and even still it falls far short if you ask anybody who has ever been there and experienced that moment, is BAH-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Everyone on the ground walks around in circles for a minute or so bumping into walls, wondering what just happened and then they come to and settle in for the absolute greatest race ever conceived, ever conceived by Earthlings anyway. The Moon Men and Moon Women competing in the race each must be the first to complete 500 laps in order to be declared The WINNER. A lap consists of going over the Moon, coming up from under the southern polar region of the Moon, heading back to go over the Earth, coming up from under the southern polar region the Earth, and then starting the next lap. The course is limited to the respective widths of the "Arctic and Antarctic circles" of the Earth and the Moon with the considerable narrowing which occurs whenever the driver is Moon bound. Drivers who violate this invisible boundary are immediately disqualiflied; their power plants are automatically reduced to emergency impulse thruster only mode and Tractor Beam Tugs are dispatched to whisk the Race Ship and Driver away to a safe distance from the race. Drivers may elect to remain with their vehicles till the completion of the race, when all power to their ships are restored or they may wish to be taken to one of the numerous Cigar Ship Cruise Liners full of Race Fans watching the race or they might opt to be taken back to their Pit back in or near Bigfoot. They could even ask to be taken to the Space Open Wheel or to Mars Castle Base* on the dark side of the Moon. The awards ceremony will take place immediately following the completion by any one of the four hundred and twenty-eight Drivers of 500 laps. The scramble is then on to return to Bigfoot to partake in the celebrations. The Golden Milk Jug will be presented to the winner of this year's race in the newly completed Winner's Rhombus after it quickly became apparent that the seven year old Winner's Circle would not be large enough of a venue in the very near future to handle the immense crowds which have been attending the race in the past few years. The Winner's Rhombus has also been relocated right to the centre of Beautiful Downtown Bigfoot, albeit with a very special zoning designation as a Junk Yard Satellite property. At the presenting of the Jug the Corks will Pop and Carbonated EggNog will be worn by all. To get your tickets for this year’s race or for hotel and motel reservations be sure to call the Bigfoot Tourism Bureau right away. Not really. Please don't bother anybody in Bigfoot, Texas. They probably have a very nice quiet little town and they'd like to keep it that way. That may be why they named their town Bigfoot. Who knows? Long story shorts now available on isle five. What? -_-*-_-MARS Castle: "THEY" do not want you going there. "THEY" think three is a crowd, but whatever. The cats out of the bag and the horses have left the barn. The Cow jumped over the Moon a long, long time ago. MARS Castle Base 3 is THE perfect place from which to take in the best that the racers of the Cowboyanapolis 500 have to offer. Or should I say the worst? You see the rules state that race officials can employ the very latest in technology and that includes the judges and/or the refs. But there exists a big BUT. All judging of the race must be stationed on Earth including all judges and/or refs. As of yet they've not figured out a way to see through the Moon so once racers disappear behind the Moon all kinds of tricks are tried to grab a nano second from a competitor. MARS Castle Base 3 is situated right smack dead centre of the side of the Moon facing away from Earth. MARS Castle Base 3 is the Race Night place to be. Many a GIANT BLEEP has been heard through the vacuum of space as the Moon Men and Women with the Big Feet jockey for position and does whatever they have to do to avoid at all costs trading heat shields. It's the Wild West come Race Day on the back side of the Moon. You could watch the race from Texas or you could watch THE Race from MARS Castle Base. It's just a jop, hip and a skump over to thatta way. Remember, keep looking up. It’s the moon that we kind of like to call The Moon. You all be sure to come back now, ya hear? Oh, a word of caution, do not EVEN attempt to return to Earth or to where ever you may have come from with any of the "Off-Planet Hardware" which, to the novice, seems just to be strewn about on the Moons back side. If you didn't know, before you arrived you were thoroughly checked out and you were told your Wooden Ticket would be returned to you when you boarded for your return flight. Also: The promoters have under contract a phalanx of Plutonian bouncers just for grins? No, just to make sure? No, just to drive home the point? No, they have because it's the only way they could get insurance coverage for the "Stuff". Believe me, if you're a Flight Risk, well, you’re gonna get a "Light Frisk" and I think you know who’s gonna be on the "Giving" end. It's quite enough just to have them stare sideways at you with their, uh, four eyes and that final front ear, but to have them actually touch you, dare I say, ugh, wrap their "arms" around you and give you one of their special "hugs". Uuuughh. Aaaauuughhh! Aaaauuughhh! Aaaauuughhh! That's it! I gotta go call my hypnotherapist and schedule an appointment to have my screen memory recall blocker reinforced. The dern thing is leakin' again. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, you don't get off this rock till "THEY" say you get off this rock. I am not allowed, just as nobody is allowed to speak about who is in charge of the returning of the Wooden Tickets to departing Race Fans as they board their ships. I'll just say "it" will make you long for the good old days of wrastling with the Plutonians. This is the real reason why no Wooden Tickets are EVER parted with by ANYONE except upon passing. It just isn't done. If you have a Wooden Ticket, even if you only inherited it, you know and everyone who ever lays eyes on you knows that you have seen enough, just enough, to be able to handle possession of the board. Only one has ever been stolen and it was returned within minutes with apologies. Even with a history such as this the Space Cowboyanapolis 500 breaks attendance records each and every year at every venue. MARS Castle Base 3, however, boasts return visits of 100% each and every year and has a 5 to 8 percent per year increase in attendees. Go figure. Remember, it's just a skateboard deck, or is it? Remember always: FORGET ABOUT IT! If you can. We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality. Earth's Moon - Apollo 11. Image Courtesy: NASA/JPL/Caltech. The photograph of the full Moon was taken from Apollo 11 during its trip back to Earth. -_- Surf's Up! -_- No Drones -_- Bonini Beach Surfboards -_- Bonini Beach Surf Ace Street DX -_- MJ12CLUB.COM -_- http://www.Zazzle.com/MJ12club* -_- LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Copyright (C) 2010, 2011, 2012 Marti J. Hughes; All rights reserved.