A Note From Mark

A Note From Mark ... 9 - 11 - 2019 age 67 years 2 months. I cannot believe I am less than 3 years from 70! I better get busy to get learned what I want to learn and get done what I want to get done. I am still working full time. I get to work at least an hour and a half or so early each day 5 days a week or so and it takes me 20 minutes each way to drive to and from work. It takes me at least 20 minutes each day before and after work to get ready to leave or to get ready to eat after returning home (clean up, change clothes) ... so add all this up. This means about 43 hours a week devoted to work even without overtime. Working, say, 48 weeks a year (having about 4 weeks paid time off a year) = 2,064 hours a year of my life lost to work. Even without overtime. Some remaining time is spent recovering from working ... or sleeping or eating ... I do not even know how for so many years I managed to work so much overtime hours when I worked at Fleming Potter Fleming Packaging like 50 - 60 - 70 - 80 hours a week so many times ... twice working 90 hours a week! It was not unusual for me to work 12 hour shifts or 8 hours plus 1 to 2 1/2 hrs overtime to wash up presses and plus work many weekends another 8 to 10 1/2 hour day or even for a while working some Sundays. I have been working most of around 50 years. 30 of which was at fp working these kind of hours. I have had a total lifetime income of probably $2 million by now ... I figured I hit $1 million by about my age 47 in 1999 ... which was 20 yrs ago as of now. I am 67 now. I often wonder what if I had only continued to keep living frugally and kept saving my money instead of spending it all at my age 31 then running up debt. Well, I finally paid all that off early this year 2019. So am trying again to save up so I can afford any needed medical crap for my age. I have a full time job, 2 remaining pensions from fp, a little zazzle income, and full ss ... so in 2019 I am finally doing OK, again. Sadly, I have never really had any time for a good relationship. For that I apologize to my ex-boy-friends ... the few I was able to say I had at all. It seemed just as things seemed to be doing OK, suddenly my work schedule changed and I was never knowing day to day when I might get off work. Week to week I never knew if I would be working 2nd shift or 3rd shift or 1st shift. 8 hr days plus staying over to finish jobs and or to stay over to wash the machine up or working 12 hr days. Weekend to Weekend I never knew if I would be working Saturday or Sunday or both. My other halves could never depend on me getting off work by any certain time nor whether I would be able to plan a weekend. On my vacations I generally had to sleep in never knowing how my sleep schedule would be. Often sleeping all day and up reading or writing at night. Most my life I did not either have a TV or barely ever watched it. I have not been out on a date with a boyfriend in over about 10 1/2 yrs! Somehow in my 30s I spent my free time on ridiculous yard work trying to have the best yard in the neighbourhood with some periods of success. In my 40s I spent all my free time working out and (regretfully) tanning. From about age 44 to my age 50 I was usually in pretty good physical shape peaking at ages 44, 46-47 (super lean, 135 -145 pounds), 47 3/4 (super muscular, 200 pounds with small waist), and even at age 50 (looking a lot younger and getting a lot of attention) when suddenly my work hours got even more extreme for a 6 month period exhausting me. But, still somewhat muscular through my age 51. But, then ages 51 1/2 - 53 1/2 came long days at Illinois Central College ... I graduated top of my class 2005. With highest possible math placement and rare high geometry score (2004). National Honour Society. Then past 14 yrs counting replacement parts for contract processors (XPAC / SC2). Suddenly, WOW, like I am 67. No caring other half (better than an uncaring one though), no loving, no kisses, no cuddling to fall to sleep. No affection. Except only my mom. My health ... knock on wood ... is OK. I have survived some bad crap so far. Again, knock on wood. I am trying to stay out of trouble at my job. I am trying to keep up my good reputation at work. I am trying to keep well. Eat sensibly. I do not drink alcohol (not at all in over 10 yrs). I do not smoke cigarettes and never much have. I do not do illegal drugs. And I try to keep my mind and sanity. I try to watch my moods and words at work ... but at times I have to watch both. Regrets? Many ... I wish I had been a thousand or a million times more politically assertive being progressive liberal socialist democrat opposing stupidity of pathetic backward oppressive conservative religious right-wing republican anti-gay anti-lgbt oppression. I regret not being a million times more assertive in this regard. I regret never maintaining a good loving relationship. I regret spending too much of my hard earned savings. I regret not continuing to work out regularly. I regret not leaving my ultra conservative right wing oppressive anti-gay family behind say about 50 yrs ago, like my younger brother eventually did. I regret not doing anything with my math and geometry skills to discover new laws of math and geometry and physics. I regret never learning how to oil paint. But, I have never regretted being openly gay.